my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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