You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
