Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
