i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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