Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize