margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
