i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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