"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
