I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
vagina is talking i cant
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I would ride that face into the sunset
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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