Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
