I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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