You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
