I feel great
I just peed on a car
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
