i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
