Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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