Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
