Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
