Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize