No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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