We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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