my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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