I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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