Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
either way he was missing a nipple.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize