My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
