she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
