wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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