So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
