dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
