I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
