I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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