Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
