recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
