I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
