I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm at about main and main street
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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