theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
