Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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