i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
