Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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