I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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