Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
