Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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