Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
