if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
