Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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