i think my mom watched the whole time
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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