You're completely useless in the revolution.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
