Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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