I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
