dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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