Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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