I cockslap morals
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize