is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize