Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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