You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
