Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
