I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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