so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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