guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
