I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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