Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
