2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
