Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
