youre lurking in front of me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
