I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize