I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
