Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
