Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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