If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
