I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
