Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
