I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
