Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize