You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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