I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
